The Average Gamer

Gamer Banter: Worst Game EVAR!

As an average gamer who pays for all her own games, I’m pretty good at avoiding the terrible ones. At £30+ quid a pop in an industry with stupendous marketing budgets I usually make damn sure I’ve done my research before buying anything. Yet I have a terrible disability when it comes to the two Computer Exchange branches just off Tottenham Court Road in London.

I’m not sure what caused it; perhaps a it’s throwback to my student days spent walking past on the way to ULU and not being able to afford even the second-hand games. Whatever the reason, I now have tremendous difficulty leaving a branch of Computer Exchange empty-handed. I’ll impulse buy something that’s priced below my arbitrary threshold that day and given that they sell games as cheaply as £3, there’s always something I can afford.

Yes, the thought that if they’re selling a game at £3, there’s probably a reason why does cross my mind but it’s usually dismissed by “Ah, it’ll be a laugh and it’s good to try something different.” Sometimes I’ll try to google a couple of reviews on my phone but mostly I can’t be bothered with the 3G download speed. Lost Odyssey was a decent purchase, as was Evil Genius.

That whole “it’s so bad that it’s funny” thing you get with films? Yeah, that’s doesn’t happen with games. Star Trek: Legacy is likely to be the game that cures my affliction. Way way back in the 90s I really enjoyed the Wing Commander series and the Star Trek: 25th Anniversary game. Sounds like a cross between the two, right? And it’s by Bethesda Softworks who did Fallout 3 and Elder Scrolls. Gotta have some redeeming value, right?

WRONG! They may have all sorts of detail on weapon effects, damage modelling and “fully realised nebulas” but the gameplay is ATROCIOUS. It tries to be part RTS, part space combat but the HUD makes it difficult to tell whether you’re controlling your own ship or a whole squadron. Bit of a problem in an RTS. Even when you successfully give your other ships orders you get little feedback when they reach their destinations and they’ll just sit on their fat arses on the other side of a planet waiting for further instructions while you’re in full-scale combat. I think I played maybe 3 missions and then gave up in disgust. Life is too short and Alan Wake is still calling out to me.

There was one memorable mission where we had to escort a bunch of ships carrying urgent medical supplies to a bunch of planets. So, I hop into my map interface; hey look, there are the ships! Great, who’s going to which planet?

No idea. That’s okay, I’ll just instruct them to follow us and we’ll travel in a pack to each planet; safety in numbers, right?

Nope. Can’t give instructions to the civilian suppliers. I had to wait until they moved a bit and try to guess which ship was going to which planet. Worst of all, I couldn’t even give my ships instructions like “Orbit this planet” or set a series of waypoints to patrol. Nope, I could choose ONE destination for each ship at a time and was forced to hop back and forth between ships trying to spot and fight the enemy.

Don’t even get me started on the dogfights. I’ll give you this much; Starfleet ships have all the manoeuvrability of a tortoise on Temazepam…

This post was part of Gamer Banter, a monthly video game discussion coordinated by Terry at Game Couch. If you’re interested in being part of this, please email him for details.

Other takes:

Game Couch: The Worst Game Ever
Silvercublogger: It’s all about integrity
Yuki-Pedia: Love, thy name is rage quit
Master Kitty’s World: What were they thinking???
Zath: What’s the worst game you’ve ever played?
SnipingMizzy: What is there to love?
The Game Fanatics: What is the worst game you’ve ever played?
Pioneer Project: Making the best of a bad situation
gunthera1_gamer: The game I could have loved!
Extra Guy: Battle Blaze — 700 pounds of ‘don’t do it’

Curious about the verdict? Read our review policy.