The Average Gamer

E3 2014: Ubisoft Conference Summary

Hosted by Aisha Tyler, here’s what we saw at the Ubisoft E3 2014 Press Conference.

Far Cry 4

A FarCry 4 video had American Male Video Game Character sitting in a bus next to an adorable monkey. An old man demanded our video game passport before we were stopped at a checkpoint and shot at. A helicopter happened.

The white-haired Asian guy from the Far Cry 4 poster stepped out and explained rudely to the military shooty men that they should have stopped the bus, not shot it. Then he stabbed the military man in the neck a lot with a pen. He’s evil, so he has an English accent. His name is Pagan Min.

An evil selfie happened.

Far Cry 4 Video Selfie E3 2014

Just Dance 2015

Apparently 100 million players have “interacted with the Just Dance Universe”. What, are they counting Facebook comments?

It’s dancing. Trippy things happen on-screen. People are happy.

They want you to “break out of your living room” Jason Altman Executive Producer came out to tell us about Just Dance Now, a free smartphone app that connects to Just Dance running on your tablet or other big screen. The Just Dance Now app has your phone acting as your Just Dance movement sensor and they brought out 30 dancers to play simultaneously.

It’s actually a pretty cool idea. I hope they provide Just Dance Now lanyards to tether your phone to your wrist because Wii Remote Accidents?

The Division

A French man came out to make The Division seem more interesting than a grey shooter. Apparently you have to take back New York.

An American man did a moody voice-over. Something about the instinct to survive. “Tragedy is invisible. People turn away from it”.

It’s called The Division because someone has to put humanity back together by shooting a bunch of dudes, I think.

The Crew

They’re still talking about how you can drive from coast to coast without a single loading screen.

There was a moody time-lapse trailer of a car driving on roads.

Creative Director Julian Gerighty came out and had his dress sense thoroughly criticised by The Internet.

Ubisoft The Crew Julian Gerighty

The closed beta will be open on 23rd July. You can register now at

The Crew will be out in November on PS4 Xbox One and PC.

Assassin’s Creed Unity

Assassins ran around Paris to a moody version of Everybody Wants to Rule The World. Specifically, this moody version, which you may recognise from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.

We saw a gameplay demo set in Paris 1793. The main assassin is called Arno and he needs to kill Captain Xavier. Arno says things like “My target may be on the move” and “Here’s the spot. If I’m not too late I’ll capture Captain Xavier at his dinner.” He’s either in the habit of mumbling instructions to himself or he’s talking someone outside the Animus since I’m fairly sure that wireless communication didn’t exist in 1793.

Going from gameplay to cutscene is seamless.

There really are a lot of moving people on the screen now.

Assassin's Creed Unity Crowd

Shape Up

Charles Huteau, Creative Director talked about his studio’s new fitness game. “You will sprint on the roof of a train” and “We can prove that you will do more punches, more push-ups, more squats.”

It’s basically Your Shape but with a more “gamey” feel to all the workouts. Piano Step has you runnning on the spot and stepping in rhythm to prompts like a DDR game. There’s a press-ups game and all the usual horrifyingly healthy stuff.

Valiant Hearts: The Great War

It’s still a story of four people and a dog in the trenches of The Great War. We just saw a trailer. Here’s a preview and gameplay video from last year.

Rainbow Six | Siege

Yves Guillemot came onto the stage to announce the new game. One team infiltrated a typical house with a drone to save a hostage from kidnappers. After a brief tactical discussion, they dropped in from a helicopter, blew the window with explosives and went in guns blazing.

You can blow straight through the walls or leave them standing to obscure the view of your opponents. Placing explosives on the floor also creates a breach that you can use to enter rooms.

Injuring the hostage will cause her to fall and you’ll lose time getting her back up.