The Average Gamer

Halo 4 Stuffed Crust Pizza Review

Here at The Average Gamer we report on all manner of gaming things. As always, our primary concern is you, the hapless gamer. Beset on all sides by advertising, hype and promotions, you turn to us to guide you on your most important purchases.

With that in mind, it would be remiss of us to ignore the most important release of the week – The Halo 4™ Stuffed Crust Pizza™ from Pizza Hut™. “The what?” I hear you exclaim. Yes, Pizza Hut and Microsoft have partnered to produce this wonderful new type of pizza.

Of course we had to try it out.

Our initial experience buying the Halo 4 Stuffed Crust Pizza was absolutely terrible. The Pizza Hut website hasn’t been working very well tonight, so we had to actually phone our local branch. Who does that these days?

Nobody with any sense, and you know why? Because it’s a horrible, horrible experience. I was listening from the next room and all I could hear was Nick repeating over and over again, “Halo 4 stuffed crust. Halo. Stuffed crust. Halo 4. Stuffed crust. Halo,” as the guy on the other end couldn’t hear a thing. Perhaps the whole promotion is about Microsoft trying to spread the mere-exposure effect outside of normal advertising channels and into our food delivery processes?

Whatever the intention, Nick finally managed to place the order and our Legendary Prize was on its way. An hour and fifteen minutes later, it finally arrived. Oh, the excitement!

Open it up and…

Ooo… aaah…

But it’s all about the crust, right? Here’s a close-up of the “signature cheese stuffed crust topped with a golden halo of Red Leicester cheese.”

Mmm, look at that bad boy. Go on. Look at the Red Leicester Halo. Look at the grease shimmering on the ham. Look at the lumps of congealed mozzarella, slathered all over the doughy base.

Be glad you’re not the one who had to eat the thing.

As with the standard stuffed crust pizza, you can only get this in large, a 14-inch monstrosity cut into 10 slices. Rather than being a set pizza, it’s a base onto which you can have whatever you want. Here I am with 380 calories’ worth of pizza.

I feel unwell just looking at these pictures. I don’t even like normal stuffed crust. Why am I even doing this? For you, dear readers. For you.

My favourites are a thin, fresh pepperoni pizza from Icco on Goodge St, or Pizza Hut’s Deep Pan because it’s carbalicious but also airy. The base on a normal stuffed crust is thin but quite dense and tends to get a bit soggy even if you reheat it.

Well, here goes…

Yum, taste that hot cheese oozing through the crust. Or not.

As you probably already know, the lovely cheese filling that you always see spilling out the sides of these things doesn’t actually exist. Instead you get this slightly rubbery substance that tastes like cheap mozzarella, which is exactly what it is. The Red Leicester topping sprinkled on the crust does crisp up nicely and I quite like Red Leicester, so it was a welcome addition. However, stuffed crust is stuffed crust. If you like that sort of thing then you’ll like this thing.

As for me? I still feel a bit ill.

The Halo 4 Stuffed Crust Pizza is available from Pizza Hut from now until some future time that I can’t be bothered to look up. More importantly, if you go over to Legendary Prizes, you can snag yourself a free Halo suit for your Xbox avatar and enter prize draws for fancy Xboxes and other stuff.