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I do not understand. Why do games franchise owners keep allowing godawful director Uwe Boll the rights to wee all over make films based on great games? And where does he repeatedly get the money to make this godawful tripe?? Look at the man’s video game adaption career…
House of The Dead (2003)
Production Budget + estimated marketing costs: US$22 million
Total lifetime grosses: US$13,818,181
IMDB user rating: 2.1 out of 10
Critics tomatometer: 6%
“It’s inept, inane and it sucks like an airplane toilet.”
– Jamie Russell, BBC
“You’d be hard-pressed to find a duller, more incompetent — and less scary — flick with cheesier effects in a remainder bin crammed with direct-to-video horrors.”
– Lou Lumenick, NEW YORK POST
Alone in the Dark (2005)
Production Budget + estimated marketing costs: US$20 million
Total lifetime grosses: US$8,120,962
IMDB user rating: 2.2 out of 10
Critics tomatometer: 1% (!!)
“Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV.”
– Nicholas Schager, SLANT MAGAZINE
“The three stars have seen better days, but I’d like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn.”
– Rob Vaux, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM
BloodRayne (2006)
Production Budget + estimated marketing costs: US$47 million
Total grosses (okay, it’s only been open 2 weeks so far – will update in future): US$2,405,420
IMDB user rating: 2.2 out of 10
Critics tomatometer: 7%
“It’s as if Boll brought together the best team of talent he could possibly secure on short notice and then told them all to suck. And they do!”
– Robert Strohmeyer, FILMCRITIC.COM
“BloodRayne fails as mindless entertainment and as eye candy, violating the basic laws of both vampire films and cheesy videogame adaptations: It can’t even suck right.”
– E! ONLINE
Please, games companies, stop giving your games to this man! Does anyone know what the companies get out of selling him the rights to their games? I mean besides the guarantee of supporting the rule that video-game-based movies suck and allowing some disreputable muppet to drag their franchise through the mud, obviously.
[quotes collected from rottentomatoes.com]
Having watched a couple of these over the weekend I have to say, Nicholas Schager has it totally wrong… House of the Dead was 10 times better than Alone in the Dark, which I slept through a lot of as it made very little sense…
Of course HotD bore absolutely no resemblance to the game but at least it was mildly entertaining… provided of course you find no brain slasher flicks entertaining.
…but anyway you’re right, why do they let him get away with it!?!
The first thought i had when i started watching House of the dead (actually the second, after of course, my god, what HAS happened to the man on the beach? Perhaps he was taken away by an elephant? It can have been zombies….) was how old is Uwe Boll?
My frist estimate was about fourteen. Fourteen, with a mind addled by sugar and computer game abuse, and strange ideas about what would look good on a screen. I mean really, the film has no maturity. It is from the mind of an adolescent. Or is it?
Perhaps it came from the mind of a DEMONIC ENTITY who is here to destroy the hopes of decent gamers like you and i that a film will ever be released that does justice to a game that we love!!!
For once, i would love to see an adaptation with decent actors portraying well loved characters, giving a depth and personality that perhaps they lacked in their original context. With of course, a visionary director that loves computer games, and wants to do right by us. One that sees the big picture.
We can hope.