Here’s Bully according to the Telegraph:

The game, called Bully, features a shaven-headed pupil who torments fellow students and teachers at his school.

Coz shaven-headed pupil = EVIL, right? Just like kids wearing hooded tops are all gangsters. Please, get over your fashion prejudice.

And no, protagonist Jimmy Hopkins doesn’t torment anyone. He’s tormented by his fellow students. Most of the plot centres around helping other kids who are being bullied. Even if you wanted to, it’s actually quite difficult to pick fights with the prefects, teachers and policemen around every corner.

Players gain extra points by terrorising other pupils with a range of physical and psychological abuse, including dunking children’s heads in lavatories and firing catapults at teachers.

Extra points? Bully doesn’t even have a points system. Unless buying candy for girls in exchange for a kiss is now considered “psychological abuse”, the authors of this article are talking crap. A lavatory-dunking scene wouldn’t surprise me but if the first half of the game is anything to go by, the other kid deserved it.

Rated for children aged 15 and above, the game is being released for the XBox 360 and the Nintendo Wii, a games console on which players have to physically act out the movements they want their character to perform.

Physically acting out the movements… Good lord, people, at least TRY the Wii before you comment. Vaguely flailing your hands about with no resistance isn’t acting out a fight, as anyone who’s played Wii Boxing will know. I haven’t played the Wii version of Bully but it wouldn’t surprise me if the closest it came to acting out real life was the Workshop class on bicycle maintenance where you “turn” the pedals using the PS2 left analog stick.

And the game is rated 15 for heaven’s sake. 15! You know why it’s rated 15? Because BBFC professionals think it’s appropriate for 15-year-olds. If, as Jimmy, you fail to attend your classes, you’ll have fewer skills and abilities to get through the game. Each class is a series of non-violent minigames. Your days are spent collecting rubber bands, solving your teachers’ personal problems, safely escorting geeks through a violent schoolyard and standing up to gangs. Your nights are spent on nefarious deeds like panty raids on the girl’s dorm.

Yeah, I can see how this might undermine a charity’s efforts to stop kids joining groups that pick on others. Showcase a kid who doesn’t conform to the herd, fights for the underdog and stands up for himself and his friends? Heaven forfend…

Sure, Bully does feature weapons like a catapult, stink bombs and firecrackers. You can start fights and throw stuff at people; the only in-game reward is the privilege of being pursued by prefects and having your gear confiscated. Fighting other kids can be an entertaining diversion but without GTA’s validation of FBI helicopters and tanks, it quickly becomes tiresome.

Read the full Telegraph article: Video game glorifies bullying, say critics

Bully: Scholarship Edition (hopefully still featuring Monkey Fling) will be released in the UK on March 7th.

I fire up the game and I’m greeted with this gem of an instruction screen for Monkey Fling:

Sadly, the mini-game isn’t nearly as entertaining as it sounds.