Maybe the rest of the game will turn out to be more fun than this demo, otherwise I’m not coming back. This demo was boring, linear, repetitive and heavily scripted. To start off you find yourself in a (very) dark cave in which you come across various Velociraptors, although they could have been pretty much anything. In fact, I couldn’t see a bloody thing even on a 40 inch HDTV*. What’s with the dark graphics? It’s not as if they look that good either. Not impressed.

When you finally get outside (no thanks to your useless team member) the massive open environments I was hoping for just failed to appear. Instead I found myself wandering through a claustrophobic (i.e. very intrusive foliage, means you can’t see very much) jungle area. Walk from point A to point B whilst being attacked at set points by dinosaurs (and I mean at set points, as I repeated certain bits to test this). During some of the set attacks you have to hit L2 and or R2 to fend of toothy dinosaur death. This became tiresome very quickly as it occurs quite a lot.

I expected the Turok demo to show off lots of pretty graphics, sound and big scary dinosaurs. But it didn’t and it wasn’t much fun to play either. Is this another Turok - Evolution (which was terrible)?

*The pitch blackness seems to be a feature of the PS3 version. On the Xbox 360 you can actually see where you going in the caves. There isn’t a gamma setting available on the demo, so it’s not that. Weird. Now if I had a choice, I plump for the Xbox 360 version.

Did anyone else like this Turok demo or notice the difference between the 2 versions (PS3 and Xbox 360)?

Update 21st Jan 08: This Turok demo surfaces on the UK PSN store on the 7th Feb 08. But I wouldn’t bother if I were you.

Turok is released on the 8th Feb 2008 on PS3, Xbox 360 and PC (spring 2008).

Age Rating:

3+ (PEGI)

What is it?

Some sort of hideously complicated farming/village sim.

Is it fun?

No!

Is it worth the money? (£24.99)

No!

Why not?

I’ll freely admit, I Do Not Get Harvest Moon. Even so, in the spirit of representing an Average Gamer, I’m writing this as someone entirely new to the franchise…

What the hell is Harvest Moon DS supposed to be? I’ve played Animal Crossing a lot so I get the concept of a relaxing game where you wander around collecting things. Harvest Moon seems to be like that, only a thousand times more complicated and without the helpful villagers to let you know what the hell is going on.

For starters, I get my new game, wander about and eventually discover that I should be tilling my field. There’s loads of debris in the form of rocks and logs. Not a problem. I soon discover how to pick them up and proceed throw them over the edge where they disappear.

WRONG!

They didn’t disappear at all. I was fly-tipping! The other townsfolk don’t like that at all. Why do I care? Well, I’m not entirely sure even after reading through sites like Fogu. Apparently the witch likes my littering. Do I want her favour? I have no freaking idea.

Another example; you can give random presents to women. Sometimes they’ll love them. Other times they’ll be hurt and offended and make snide remarks. I think affects my prospects of marrying them, which may or may not be a good thing. I hate it because there’s simply no way in-game to tell what they like and dislike. Even worse, I can’t work it out through trial and error. I have immense trouble recalling what I gave to who because everyone just blurs together into a haze of quirky villager. Write it down? Please. I already have a job.

The game is riddled with pitfalls like this. Considering the gameplay is about farming, maintaining your town and getting married, it seems a pretty big liability. Perhaps the best way to illustrate this complexity is with this choice quote from Fogu [via Yahoo! Answers]:

“Before you can get married you must upgrade your house. Your spouse is not going to want to live in the tiny house you start out with! To upgrade you will first need to unlock Channel 2 on the Sprite Station. To open the channel you must buy something from Karen’s telephone store for 10 days.

When you unlock the Tv Shopping Channel 2, watch it every day. Eventually you will see the Table for sale. The little round table will only cost you 500 G. Call the Tv Shopping operators using your telephone and order the Table.

Only after you have received the Table can you then hire Gotz to increase the size of your house for the first time! You must own the Kitchen before he will upgrade your house a second time if you own the Japanese version. The English version does not require the kitchen. “

In other words…

This game is freaking complicated (or in-depth, if you prefer). I hated it. YMMV.

Screenshots

Age rating: 15+ (PEGI)

What is it?

The final part of the Bungie’s kill-em-all FPS.

Is it fun?

In parts.

Is it worth the money? £34.99

No, it’s one to rent.

Why?

Over-hyped and underwhelming were the two defining features of Halo 3 for me. The amount of hype layered (lathered and maybe a bit of smearing too) on Halo 3, by Microsoft, was pretty impressive. The problem is that when you separate the hype from Halo 3, you’re not left with a terribly impressive game (contrary to almost every other Halo 3 review available).

I really enjoyed Halo (apart from the idiotic last level). I wished Halo 2 was a lot longer, as I felt it was not only rushed but also a game too far for the struggling Xbox. So I approached Halo 3 with lots of optimism, as the Xbox 360 seemed to be the perfect vehicle for Bungie’s imagination. This optimism was all but obliterated after playing the first few levels. Boring and quite frankly lazy level design was the order of the day. Going back and forth over the same bit of a level is not a way to make it seem bigger. Heck, did Bungie forget they designed huge, and enjoyable, levels like the “The Silent Cartographer” in Halo? Sure there are glimpses of this kind of level design throughout the game. But all this good work is quickly undone with dull, pedestrian and repetitive levels.

The fight is finished in about 6 hours (for single/co-op mode), which is disappointingly short. You will clock up a lot more game time if you try to play it on legendary difficulty which Penny Arcade summed up perfectly with this comic. The graphics vary between pretty good to frequently poor (oooh, some of the cut scenes make your eyes bleed with all the jaggies). Sorry, but Gears of War has raised the bar in terms of FPS graphics, and sadly Halo 3 hasn’t quite caught up yet.

And finally the whole Halo 3 multiplayer experience. Well, I found it a bit sterile and boring to be honest, but it’s all very well done even so. Bungie brings you up to speed nicely with a newbie map at the start, so you’re not flapping around getting blasted by those Halo 3 veterans (that happens later). But I really wanted more variety in the game play, and not just from from playing different maps. When it came down to it I wanted Team Fortress 2 and its class based killing (and healing if you’re an overworked, and underused medic). I really tried to like Halo 3’s multiplayer game, but it just left me cold.

In summary:

A disappointing end to the hype fight (didn’t stop 8.1 million copies of Halo 3 being sold).

Screenshots:

Update 21st Jan 2008: Here’s another Halo 3 review that doesn’t get caught up in the hype.

Age Rating:

PEGI 16+

What is it?

A beat-away-hordes-of-enemies melee combat game set in mythical feudal Japan. Big men, big weapons, scantily-clad warrior women, ropey voice acting… it’s all there.

Is it fun?

Not really.

Is it worth the money? £29.99

Nooooo…

Why not?

This game has quite possibly the worst camera you will ever experience, should you have the misfortune of playing this game. Every location feels immensely frustrating because you can almost see where you’re going, if only the camera would just tilt a little more.

But it doesn’t. Ever.

It’s quite tragic because otherwise, this game is quite fun. It looks incredible and the weapons are great fun. I’ll admit, it’s nothing special as far as Mythical-Japan-hack-and-slash games go, but it’s certainly not bad. Benkei’s ‘Kamui’ attack is particularly satisfying. But playing Genji leaves you with the constant nagging feeling that your upper-peripheral vision is fading. Or to put it another way… it feels like you’re playing with a stiff neck and a baseball cap pulled too far down your head.

Ordinarily, I can make do with difficult cameras. I thought Prince of Persia: Sands of Time was enjoyable. Genji, on the other hand, wants you to climb onto rooftops but won’t let you aim the camera upwards far enough to see what else is up there waiting for you.

Ultimately, this game is a turd. A lovingly polished turd. Quite possibly the finest, most sparklingly shiny turd you’ll ever come across… but still a turd.

Don’t buy it. Get Ninja Gaiden Sigma (review coming soon!). Or perhaps Heavenly Sword.

Links

Genji: Days of The Blade Official Site

Screenshots:

Age Rating: 7+ (PEGI)

What is it?

A spoooooky mystery.

Is it fun?

No.

Is it worth the money? £24.99

No.

Why not?

It’s another in a plethora of stories masquerading as games. They seem to plague the DS. Unfortunately, this story isn’t very good.

You wander around from room to room poking things until you trigger a 5-minute-long chunk of plot exposition-through-dialogue. And not even the kind you can leave playing while you walk away to do something interesting. You have to keep poking options. On the rare occasions that you actually get to do something, it’s trivial and not at all challenging. One memorable scene had me drawing circles on the screen to simulate cranking a wheel that opened a gate. Another had me scrubbing the stylus across the screen to rub rust off a plaque. Whoop-dee doo.

Yes, I know Nintendogs has you scrubbing dirt off a dog. The difference is that Nintendogs gives you positive feedback in the form of a cute puppy that reacts and squirms where you poke it. Scrubbing the plaque in this game was a bit like… scrubbing a plaque. Not just any plaque. A boring plaque. There is the occasional innovative puzzle but they are few and far between. The rest of the game is just too depressing for those moments to help. It has a very annoying design flaw that you can’t actually pick things up until you’ve found where you need them. Cue much frustration as you go “I know I saw a knife somewhere… but where?” and wander slowly from room to room to room.

The story isn’t bad but it’s nothing special either. It’s the tale of a bored child with dead parents who explores a bit, finds a ghost and helps him on his mission while learning a little something about herself along the way. (Why is child-of-dead-parents such a staple of games?) The characters aren’t particularly engaging and dialogue is utilitarian, to say the least. I found that I just didn’t care that much about anyone, unlike Phoenix Wright where everyone has their endearing little quirks.

Young children will enjoy this game, provided they haven’t played many other DS games yet. Everyone else should save their money and get… something else. Anything else.

Links:

Nintendo Europes’s ‘Another Code’ Page

Screenshots:

What is it?
Update of the “classic” side-scrolling, platformer starring Arthur the Knight.

Is it fun?
No. Annoying and frustrating, yes.

Is it worth the money? £24.99
No.

Why?
To be honest I never really liked the original Ghosts n’ Goblins game when it was released in the arcades during the mid-80s. It was an incredibly difficult and unforgiving game, which although was the norm at the time (e.g. R-Type or Gauntlet), Ghost n’ Goblins made it as hard as possible for the player. Heck, you even had to the complete the game twice in the same go to see the real ending! This resulted in most of the game remaining hidden to all but the most obsessive player. That’s me out then.

Until now that is, or that’s what all the reviews of this all singing, all dancing PSP version would lead you to believe. Rubbish. Yes, they have made the game slightly easier (you have more lives and your armour lasts a lot longer) but it is still bloody hard. Annoyingly hard, just like the original. Mmm, great. Well at least you can complete level 1 now. Woohoo.

There are so many ways to die and so many monsters to help you die that eventually I just get bored by the whole thing. I didn’t enjoy playing this game, instead I battled through it and for me that’s not my idea of having fun. The only good point of this game is its shortness so the whole painful experience of playing is over quickly.

Sure the graphics are impressive, even rivalling Killzone Liberation for the prettiest PSP graphics title, but all this graphical gloss can’t hide what is a basic and unappealing game. Avoid.

Screenshots:

What is it?

Mobile phone game. (J2ME) Side scrolling, single button, fly crash your character into things.

Is it fun?

Yes, for a very short period of time (about 15 mins).

Is it worth the money? £1.99 (credit card payment) or £4.50 (SMS payment) from here or free with your new Sony Ericsson phone!

No. You can finish the game in about 15 mins and there’s very little to entice you back.

Why?

Ok, I was really, really, really bored in Subway (mmm, toasted chicken and bacon ranch baguette) one day so I fired up JC does Texas on my Sony Ericsson W810i to pass the time!

This is totally a one trick pony game. Launch JC out of a cannon and press the joystick to “flap” his arms to adjust his trajectory to collide with thunderclouds, birds, planes, hot air balloons and washing lines (even a cow’s backside!) before running out of energy (every flap uses up a little bit) and crashing down to earth. That’s it. There is some element of skill required to fly into the target object required to open up the next level, like a washing line, but other than this it’s a very basic and repetitive game.

The other limitation of Johnny Crash is that there are only 12 levels available, so once you work out where everything is on each level you progress through the game very quickly. Ok, yes, there is the added incentive to achieve the top reputation (i.e. high score) on each level, but once that’s done then nothing’s left to do. Nada. Zip. Next level please matey.
So in summary, play it if you have the game pre-loaded on your phone otherwise it’s not worth the cash.

Screenshots:

Links:

Digitial chocolate (the game’s developer)

What is it?
An interactive adventure with a compelling storyline. Also available on Xbox 360.

Is it fun?
It’s… interesting. I wouldn’t say fun.

Is it worth the money? £17.99
No.

Why not?

It’s not a game, it’s an interactive story. And by interactive, I mean that you get the exciting tasks of walking around large areas, carrying objects from one section of the level to another (and back) and, if you’re lucky, the chance to hack into locks through a simple mini-game.

The storyline is entertaining - it’s just not a decent game. There’s hardly any challenge and you get no sense of achievement by playing it. For the most part you’re sitting around watching cut-scenes. You get to choose from dialogue options but it still feels like you’re forced into one outcome.

Also, I finished it in two sittings. Rubbish.

It does, however, make me want a Nabaztag. The characters have this fantastic thing called a “Watilla”. It looks like a friendly miniature gorilla, talks to you, plays games, keeps track of your schedule, tells you when you have messages and reads you the news, like a little purple cuddly feed reader. Plus, it’s super cute, especially when it hums out of boredom :)

On the bright side, this game actually allowed me to use my Thrustmaster Dual Power (mmm, phallic name), so I could sit on the sofa while playing it. Comfy. It was like watching a particularly tiresome film where I had to keep prodding the actors onto their marks.

I did like the way they modelled locations from the previous game, The Longest Journey. I would post comparison screenshots but my ancient Longest Journey discs have grown bored of being cooped up in a drawer with all these newfangled youngster games and retired to Blackpool. Or somewhere. They’ve left the manual behind but that’s not much good to me.

Dreamfall has a good story but a very poor gaming experience. Shoulda made a movie.

Links:
Official Site

Screenshots:

What is it?
A bunch of mini-games based around the touch-screen and microphone inputs. Old for a DS game.

Is it fun?
Very briefly.

Is it worth the money? Around £8-£10 preowned.
Noooooooo. Not at all. Not even the £7.97 I paid for it.

Maybe if you can find it for £2 at a garage sale.

Why not?

There’s no thinking involved. Every mini-game really is just a case of poke the dots on the screen, trace the line or blow/shout down the microphone but with none of that pesky stuff like tactics. Their idea of making it more challenging later on was to give you three of the levels you’ve already done, but change the colour scheme, make you tap the screen more times to achieve the same end and make you do them back to back so if you fail on the third, you have to play through the previous two segments again. Yawn.

Finding the hidden rabbits is also pretty dull as it pretty much involves randomly tapping bits of the cut-scenes (goldfish) and hitting the back button to watch them again if you missed. And what do you get if you find enough rabbits? A new pair of shoes for the girl silhouette. W00t Crap!

Rubbish game. I returned it after 2 days and bought Tetris DS. Much more worthwhile investment :)

Screenshot (wasn’t worth the effort looking for more then one):

What is it?
Hack n’ slash like Gauntlet

Is it fun?
Yes, if you like to hack and slash

Is it worth the money?

No, but it is worth £17.99 like Untold Legends - The Brotherhood of the Blade

Why?
You hack, you slash, you hack, you slash, you battle a bigger monster (sorry, a boss!), you hack, you slash…yep that’s about it.
That’s not to say this is a bad thing as Untold Legends is an accomplished hack and slash game. Exacting absolute carnage the second you walk into a room full of monsters and using the impressively varied special abilities (see 2nd screenshot below) is immensely satisfying. There are checkpoints littered around each level which save you re-treading the same path over and over again if you die and you can also save your progress at any point (very handy if you’re playing whilst travelling!).

Essentially the whole game involves going to a new location, exploring the entire map, killing everything that moves, destroying everything that doesn’t (barrels, chests…), beating any bosses that lurk around in the level, collecting all the cash/health potions and buying some more armour/weapons/health potions at the merchants (located between levels). Errm, yep, I think I just about covered everything. Did I mention that you kill things? Oh, yes.

This game does have online elements as well but I found that there weren’t may players online and nor were there many games to play (e.g. deathmatch, 1 on 1). Also a lot of these matches require high level characters (level 25+, some level 50) which stop you participating for a while (although you can create your own matches for low level characters).

The graphics are ok, sometimes very pretty, but since you have the camera zoomed out as far as possible so you can actually see what’s attacking, you do miss out on some of the more intricate graphical details. But the music, oh the music, well I just turned it off as it sounds like a baby with boxing gloves learning to play the piano. Awful, amazingly awful in fact (the sounds effects are ok, thankfully. At least these go some way to muffling the sounds of your rabid button bashing).

Overall I enjoyed playing this game. Yes, its very one dimensional but you could say the same about driving games only being about driving (Ridge Racer anyone?). A try before you buy, I think (or pick up the 1st game for almost half the price).

Firmware version: 2.60

UK release date: 2nd June 2006. US version out now (version reviewed)

Screenshots: